I’m bored of male violence

I get out of my bed
 to get to get some
Cold filtered water,
I said nothing to
No one,
I have no sign on me
To help anyone with
Their  lives,
Especially their  love
Life.
I’m not looking to be the
Inbetween,
To send a message to their
Long distant love,
I admit I am a romantique…
I cry to myself in the shower
When I see two people
In love,
It comes out like rain drops
Turning into a water fall
Then a monsoon,
Erupting into a a waterspout
In the oceans of my very being,
I acknowledge that I haven’t
Had sex or been loved
In 23 years,
I had my chances.
While obsessed in a deep passionate list
With my co-worker that drove me
To work day after day at cedar point,
I was told on the last before me and
List crush jumped in Snoopy Bounce
Walked up Gemini Hill,
Stole a height cane from an entrance,
Before we went to the bar
And I bought her drinks all night
She made dinner
Cheese Burger Hamburger Helper
-I did the dishes
Another co -worker revealed she had feelings
For me,
Only three weeks before that another beautiful woman
Open herself to me
Telling me she had feelings,
A few years ago a friend
Whose married with 3 kids
Told me in a comment on bookface
That she had feelings for me,
But she held back cause I was starting
The process of having a sex change…
All these years I’m being pushed
To help others that need a little
Soft cushion to fall,
But they’ll never understand
The rage of my deep pain,
When I was a bit of 20
I met a woman of 16,
She took me in her arms
Held me all night when I was drunk,
She kept me safe from others
Walking all over me.
The next door we opened ourselves to
Each other,
We had fallen whilst we melted into one
As I slept in her lap
With our visit to Hekate in unison,
I saw babies
I saw smiles,
I saw life as I looked up to her
Smiling,
She smiled
Holding me close & tight,
Kissing me on forehead
Lips, eye lids, hands
As she smoked her cigarettes …
I still choke up
When I smell the scents of lilacs & cigarettes
Everything evades me
Invades my everything,
Washing me in my great sins of
Yesteryear,
I look at the heavens in rage,
I curse all of life
Flicking my middle finger at the hells
Below,
Where my grandfather dwells.
But still I’m tired and sick
Of being the go between,
I don’t want my phone taken away
I’m not here to be some gopher,
Then hear “I’ll kill her if she don’t love me,
I’ll kill her if she leaves me, I’ll kill her if she
Goes with someone”
I will not shy away from calling out bland
MALE VIOLENCE,
I don’t care what gang your a part of-
I’m a feminist even beyond beyond
My dying breath,
No one has to love anyone
No one has to give themselves to anyone,
Even if you love them
There’s no ownership over another
Even if your married,
If you feel your gonna force yourself MEN
Go masturbate,
No one owes you a fucking thing,
No one owes you their   body,
No one owes you their   mind,
NO ONE OWES ANYONE ANYTHING
BUT LEAVING THEM ALONE.
The next morning we talked about our fears
How we been hurt,
I told I just wanted to be friends
Till she got to be 18,
She just walked away-
I cried rivers,lakes,oceans
Became a chronic masturbate
Masturbating to pictures of MtF transsexuals,
I tried to talk to her again 2 years later
When she lived in Seattle withvus,
She looked at me sternly
My heart was castrated & confronted & squashed & dismantled & destroyed! !!
Later when the other women came,gone
The hamburger helper lust lady
The one who told me what
she felt the last day,
The other co worker
The one later on who held back
Cause I was having a sex change,
Had no clue what path I was walking,
I wasn’t there,
I was still lost in that day, moment,minute,second
As she walked away
When I said we should be friends,
I had fallen in love
I couldn’t be a lust,
I couldn’t just be a puppy love,
I couldn’t be wasted teenage love,
I’ve been that go ‘between only a few
Years before,
I wanted love or nothing…
I continue to live with nothing
22 years later
On 06/20/2017,
This agony shall never end,
There is no end.
Sent from my MetroPCS 4G LTE Android Device
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One thought on “I’m bored of male violence

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